Watch the video above and talk about it with a group or mentor. Learn more.
Friendliness is a great virtue. Over-friendliness can be an unexpected problem.
Key Points:
- The Over-Friendly are guilty of three large errors:
- They believe they must agree about everything
- Their praise is ill-targeted
- Their friendliness is remorselessly upbeat
- In Contrast, the more genuinely friendly keep three things in mind:
- Disagreement isn’t always necessarily terrible
- People only want to be complimented on things they are actively proud of
- That we are cheered up not so much by people who say cheery things, but by people who understand us
- The naturally friendly person uses their own experiences to think about the needs of others, while the over-friendly person forgets themselves in seeking to please others.
- In order to succeed at befriending anyone, we must first accept the risk that we may displease them by being completely ourselves.
- We must reconcile ourselves to the risk of not making any friends to stand any chance of making any.
Quote This:
A good motto is: use friendliness but do not use your friends. -Frank Crane
Talk About It
- What is your initial reaction to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Have you dealt with a lot of overly-friendly people? If so, have they ever gotten on your nerves and did you know why?
- What are some examples of ill-targeted praise? Why does this kind of praise often have the opposite effect?
- How can disagreeing actually be positive, engaging, or productive? Do you have examples from your own life?
- Have you ever avoided sharing difficult topics with a cheery person? If yes, what were some of the feelings that kept you from sharing? And who did you choose to share with instead?
- How can understanding your own feelings help you better relate to someone else’s feelings?
- Do you agree that you must learn to risk not making friends by being yourself in order to truly make friends? Why or why not?
- Write a personal action step based on this conversation.
