Blending Families: Start With The Right Expectations
There is no perfect formula for blending families together but having the right expectations can help to lay the right foundation for success.
Talking Points:
- Go into the experience knowing that it will be challenging. It should be no surprise that taking two totally different families and mashing them together will be tough.
- The process is more like a Crock-Pot than a blender. Family members need to feel like they have time to incorporate themselves into the family and recognize that each individual is necessary to make the family whole.
- Be ready to negotiate and adjust. Everyone needs to come into this experience knowing that they will get their way in some things but not in all things.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Describe your current progress with blending your families. What has gone well? What has been hard?
- What were/are your expectations for how your families would/should blend?
- Think about the blender and Crock-Pot idea. Which would you say best represents your approach in bringing your families together? Explain.
- What are the pitfalls of the blender approach? Explain.
- Why is having the ability to adjust so important when combining families? How well have you done in this so far?
- What are some of the issues that need to be negotiated in your family? What are some possible solutions?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
Blending Families: Make The Marriage a Priority
It's a challenge to cultivate the marriage when kids are in the mix from the start. Take the time to make the relationship strong.
Talking Points:
- If the marriage isn’t strong, then the family can’t be strong. It may seem selfish to prioritize the marriage, but it’s in the best interest of your kids for you to build a good foundation that can withstand the stresses that come with blending families.
- Make a commitment to discuss everything with total honesty. You need to be totally open about your fears and concerns and commit to working through each issue as they come.
- Avoid bringing your previous baggage into this marriage. Avoid making assumptions about your spouse’s motives and be honest when you feel hurt or betrayed in some way.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- On a scale from 1-10, how are you doing at prioritizing the marriage? How can you improve?
- Why does your marriage need to be a priority for the sake of the family?
- What are some of the issues you’ve been dealing with so far? Are you able to speak honestly about them? Explain.
- Evaluate yourself. Have you allowed previous baggage to affect this relationship? Explain.
- Evaluate your spouse. Have they allowed previous baggage to affect this relationship? Explain.
- What are some productive things you can do to guard against this from happening in the future?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
Blending Families: Co-Parenting in the Home
The wedding officially declared you a new family but it's a long road to actually becoming one. You need a plan.
Talking Points:
- Start off on a united front. The biological parent needs to emphasize that their new spouse will have a parental role in the home and will be a part of making decisions for the family.
- Have regular family meetings. These meetings provide you with the opportunity to establish new family rules and set the right expectations.
- Stepparents, be patient and work on developing a relationship with kids.
- Parents should discuss frustrations in private. Don’t force things and don’t be too quick to jump into discipline.
- When kids show disrespect to stepparent, the biological parent must confront right away.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Do you feel like you are a united front in the home? Explain. How can you improve?
- How could family meetings help your kids to not feel frustrated? What topics need to be discussed?
- Stepparent, describe your relationship with each kid. What has been most challenging so far?
- Stepparent, what can you do to better understand the heart of each kid?
- Bio parent, how do you think the stepparent is doing at building a relationship with each kid?
- Stepparent, how is bio parent doing at supporting you? Where can they improve?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
Blending Families: Co-Parenting with the Ex
You may have ended your marriage with your ex, but for the sake of the kids, you have to find a way to work together.
Talking Points:
- Tip #1: Remember that divorce didn’t end your family but it did reorganize it.
- Tip #2: Don’t put your kids in the middle of your mess.
- Tip #3: Find productive ways to communicate with your ex.
- Tip #4: Be ready to compromise.
- Tip #5: Remember how hard it is for your kids to be shuttled back and forth.
- Tip #6: You can’t control what happens in the other home.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Describe your relationship with your ex. What has been the most challenging so far?
- Why is self-control so important in dealing with your ex? What grade would you give yourself on it?
- Have you or your ex been guilty of putting your kids in the middle of your conflicts? Explain.
- How has this dynamic affected your kids up to this point? Where do you need to compromise more with your ex?
- How can you improve in your communication with your ex?
- What are some things you hope can be consistent between homes? What are some productive things you can do to encourage that?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
Blending Families: Money Matters
Money can be a sticky subject in any marriage, but in a blended family it can really blow things up.
Talking Points:
- Question #1: Do we want to pool our money or keep it separate?
- Question #2: What expenses should be shared and how will they be paid?
- Question #3: Should we create a shared budget?
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Describe how your money conversations have gone so far. What has been productive? What has been challenging? Explain.
- What do you need to guard against so money doesn’t bring trouble into your family? Explain.
- Which of the three questions above is the easiest for you to answer? Which is hardest? Explain.
- How can you work against allowing the comparison game to enter into your money conversations?
- What other conversations do you need to have regarding money?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
Watch the video above and talk about it with a group or mentor. Learn more.
