Why Talk as a Family?
Talking as a family creates connection and an opportunity to talk about topics that really matter in the lives of your teens.
Talking Points:
- Especially in junior high and high school, tweens and teens are experiencing a myriad of new, sometimes confusing, emotions. Parents, this is definitely not the time to check out! Talking with your kids will help them parse out some of the tough emotions that come with adolescence.
- If you want your kids to take ownership in their lives, they need to discover things for themselves rather than simply checking off all the boxes you’ve drawn up for them. Conversation can help make that happen.
- Parents: equipping your kids to “take ownership” as a lifestyle is crucial for their growth and development, especially after they leave your care for college, work, travel, or whatever is next in their lives.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Are you excited about having family conversations, or is it intimidating/frightening for you? Explain.
- In what ways does your family communicate well? How could you learn to communicate better? Explain.
- Parents, how can family conversations help you?
- Explain the “discovery principle” in your own words. Do you agree that this principle is important? Why or why not?
- Explain “ownership” in your own words. Do you agree that this principle is important? Why or why not?
- What are some topics or series you’d like to talk about as a family?
- What are your long-term hopes/desires for having family conversations? What steps do you need to take to make those hopes/desires into realities?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
How to Deal With Stress
Stress isn’t just a parent thing. Your kids have stress, too, and they need help to learn how to manage it.
Talking Points:
- Parents, it’s important to know what triggers your kids so you can help them wade through the challenges of stress. Don’t brush off your kids or their stresses just because you know the grass is greener on the other side of adolescence.
- Kids, be honest about your stress. Your parents may know you better than anyone, but they’re not mind readers. If you bottle up your emotions and stresses, they’ll be able to tell that you’re upset, but not necessarily why you’re upset.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- What stresses you out? Why?
- Do you think your family knows what stresses you? Why or why not?
- Parents, what are some challenges you faced as a tween/teen? Explain.
- Kids, what are some challenges you’re facing these days? Explain.
- Why is it important for parents not to ignore or brush off kids’ stress? Share an example if you have one.
- What are some things your parents should and shouldn’t do to make it safe for you to share your stresses?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
Dealing with Toxic People
Teach your kids to learn how to identify and deal with toxic friends.
Talking Points:
- “Toxic” people are people who have a negative effect on your life. Not everyone who is “toxic” to you is “toxic” to everyone else in their life. It could just be that you rub each other the wrong way.
- Being toxic doesn’t mean you’re toxic all the time. Sometimes we can become toxic without really thinking about it. When you gossip or fail to stick up for someone you’re being toxic.
- Adolescence is a tough time when it comes to your self-identity and self-esteem, and walking away from a friend or friend group that you come to realize is toxic can be scary. Parents, you’ll need to be supportive.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Who are some toxic people you’ve known? Share a story if you’re comfortable.
- How do we go about deciding if someone is toxic? Explain.
- What are some examples of toxicity you’ve seen at school, in sports, or other areas? Parents, do you have any stories from when you were in high school or junior high?
- Are there times you’ve been toxic, maybe without realizing it until later? Explain.
- How can you be the antidote to toxicity in your circle of influence?
- What do you think are healthy boundaries with the toxic people you know? Explain.
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
How to Not Be a Gossip
Find out why gossip is bad and what you should do to not be a part of it.
Talking Points:
- Gossip is when you’re talking about people behind their back. It’s bonding with others at someone else’s expense.
- How to stop gossip:
- Counter it. If someone starts gossiping about someone you know, say something good about that person.
- Be direct. Remind your friends that if they weren’t around, they wouldn’t want everyone talking badly about them.
- Choose your friends wisely. If you hang around gossips you’ll likely become a gossip or get really hurt by it.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Have you ever gossiped? Share a story if you have one.
- Have you ever been gossiped about? What happened?
- Have you ever seen an adult who is a huge gossip? What do you think about adults who gossip? What do you think adults think about adults who gossip?
- Why do you think gossip is so common across time and cultures?
- Why is gossiping lame?
- How can you “opt-out” of gossiping?
- Why is it important to opt-out of gossiping?
- Do you know any people you’d describe as “toxic” gossipers? Without gossiping, describe these people.
- What practical steps can you take to create a healthy distance with toxic gossipers in your life?
- How do you think this issue of gossiping is a “mirror” reflecting the kind of person you want to be and the kind of people you want to be around?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
Watch Out for Sibling Rivalry
Don’t let sibling rivalry get in the way of being good to others in your family.
Talking Points:
- Younger siblings: know the line when it comes to older siblings. In fact, you probably already know where the line is, don’t you? The point is, don’t make a habit of being purposefully annoying just because you think it’s fun to pester your older sibling. Dial it back a bit.
- Older siblings: recognize that your younger siblings are seeking your approval. They look to you as an example, they care about what you think, and what you model for them will affect them as they grow up and follow in your footsteps.
- Parents, it’s important to build into your family culture this truth: family is family no matter what. Start when your kids are young, and never let up. No matter their ages, your kids need to know that they are loved, supported, and secure with their family.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Parents: do you have siblings? If so, what was your relationship like with them like growing up?
- Kids: on average, how often does your sibling drive you up the wall?
- Why do you think sibling rivalry is a thing? What are some ways siblings fight?
- Younger siblings: what can you do to be less of a pain toward your older siblings?
- Older siblings: how can you be a better big brother or sister to your younger siblings?
- Parents: who of your friends from junior high or high school are still good friends of yours today? What happened to those relationships over time? How is this a learning area for your kids?
- How can your family get better and better at having a strong family culture of loyalty? List some practical examples.
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
How to Do Things You Don’t Want to Do
Sometimes we have to do things we hate to do. Learn how to think differently about those things so you can find the motivation to push through it.
Talking Points:
- Perspective is key. Certain things need to be done, and if you don’t do them, others will suffer. That should be a huge motivator for doing things you don’t want to do.
- Don’t forget to remember that many kids in the world don’t have access to education or sports so be thankful for your life and stop complaining!
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- What are some chores or responsibilities you hate having to do? Why do these things rub you the wrong way?
- What are some time-wasting habits you have or some bad ruts you fall into?
- How does having empathy (caring about how your actions affect others) change the way you go about handling your responsibilities?
- What are some hobbies, extracurricular activities, or school subjects you really enjoy? Why?
- Think about the opportunities you have in comparison to other people in the world. How should your good fortune change the way you think about getting stuff done when it comes to studies, training, or even chores around the house?
- Why do you think perspective is so important when it comes to doing the things you don’t want to do?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
Mission, Vision, Values for Teens
Having a mission statement and a vision for your future will help you to make good decisions today.
Talking Points:
- Ownership: When your kids understand their own goals and set those goals themselves, they will be self-motivated to go after them with the structure and guidance you provide rather than terrified of failing and disappointing you.
- Values: Values are the principles that matter to us. Things like hard work, helping others, having a good attitude, etc. Help your teens think through what matters to them.
- Mission: Mission is about the “what” of life. What are you trying to do? Maybe your mission is to be the greatest basketball player or the most celebrated pianist of your generation? Whatever it is, it’s what you’re after.
- Vision: Vision is about where you want to go, meaning, what you want to do with your mission. If mission is the “what” of life, vision is the “why.”
- Strategy: How do you plan to accomplish your goals. You need a strategy or plan to succeed.
- Culture: Culture is about how you actually live- your habits and priorities.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Parents: what was the mission of your family growing up? What were your values? Did you have a strategy for being a healthy family? Explain.
- Why do you think it’s important to have a clear mission, vision, and values?
- Why is ownership a crucial step for teens to develop their mission, vision, and values? What would it look like for a teen to have these three things without a sense of ownership?
- What are the values that matter to you? Why?
- What would you say is your mission in life? Why?
- What would you say is your vision?
- Strategy is all about our day-to-day plans to accomplish our goals. What would be some strategic choices for you to make to accomplish your goals?
- Download the Family Fundamentals Worksheet and do your best to fill in your mission, vision, values, strategy, and culture. Have some fun with it, and make sure the kids give their input.
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
Know Your Identity
Find out where you can find your identity and how you can have empathy for others.
Talking Points:
- Ideals are the things we think are important and want to go for, but values are the things we actually commit to achieving.
- When we struggle with identity, it is because we don’t know our purpose in life or our value in this world.
- Empathy is the ability to care for others in their circumstances, and it is a trait sadly lacking in our media-crazy, mile-a-minute society.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- What’s the difference between ideals and values?
- What are your ideals? What do you really value in life? Why?
- When have you felt a lack of identity and meaning in life? How did you restore your sense of purpose?
- Do you think having faith in God is a crutch and means you are a weak person? Why or why not?
- Why do you think it is difficult for people in our society to feel empathy towards others? How is empathy a motivation for action?
- What group of people do you feel the most empathy toward? Why?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
This topic is adapted from the LecraeVEVO YouTube channel.
How To Process Your Emotions
In order to be relaxed, we have to do one thing that might make us uncomfortable: process our emotions.
Talking Points:
- We don’t always show, realize, or even feel all the emotions we experience throughout the day. Left unaddressed, these things can manifest as anxiety.
- The problem for many of us is that we are not processing our emotions. We try to do everything but process our emotions by distracting ourselves.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Have you ever seen someone and thought, “They’re dealing with some stuff right now, but they’re not talking about it?” Or has this been you at times? What happened?
- What sort of emotions or issues are often in the back of your mind?
- Have you ever experienced anxiety-related struggles? Or have you seen it happen to someone else? What happened?
- “We try to do everything but process our emotions.” Have you seen this to be true in yourself and others? Explain.
- “We grow depressed about everything because we cannot be sad about something.” Explain how you’ve seen this to be true in your life.
- Does what you feel about yourself sometimes contradict what you truly believe about yourself? Explain.
- Why is it important to find people who “warmly recognize and charitably accept” the challenges of being human? Do you have friends, mentors, parents, or similar people in your life who can be there for you?
- Why is it important to acknowledge and admit our fears, anxieties, troubles, or other issues?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
Don’t Be A Follower
Don’t just do something because that’s what everyone else is doing. Learn to think for yourself.
Talking Points:
- High school can be scary. There’s a lot of pressure to conform.
- Being a follower can cause us to compromise in areas we otherwise wouldn’t.
- We should have integrity. This means being the same person everywhere we go.
- You don’t necessarily have to be a leader, but being a doormat for others is never a good thing.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Why do you think so many people in high school are followers?
- Who is an example of a great leader you’ve known? Why do you think they’re great?
- Would you consider yourself a follower? Why or why not?
- Do you think it’s ever okay to be a follower? Explain.
- What are some of the things that prevent people from being themselves at school, home, or elsewhere?
- What are some ways you can have integrity and start being yourself everywhere you go?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
