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You can’t change other people, but you can change yourself.

Shifting your perspective and making changes to things you can control can help better your life and the lives of those around you.

Two Fundamental Attitudes

There are two fundamental attitudes that people have toward life. There are those who blame the world for their problems, and those who ask what they can do differently to improve their life and the world. The first attitude focuses on how other people are the problem. But the implicit problem with this attitude is that we can’t change other people, we can only change ourselves.

It is much easier to blame others for problems that we face. Actually changing ourselves requires courage and discipline. It requires neither of these to point the finger at someone else. To say that others are the source of our troubles is to push down and suppress the feelings of guilt, shame, and doubt that accompany our own troublesome actions.

A character from T.S. Eliot’s play, The Cocktail Party, who, relating her personal suffering with her psychologist, mentions that she hopes that her suffering is because of herself. While this at first seems confusing, she explains to her psychologist that if her troubles are her own fault, then at least it is something within her control. If it comes from others, it is a situation she has no control over. When we see life’s problems this way, it can give us a sense of relief and power.

Choose to Change the Bad Things

Most of us have the power to make our lives better by changing things about ourselves we know are bad. We can stop doing the things that are destructive or negative to our lives and those around us. It is not something to think about, but an actual change that we can make as soon as we make that decision.

There are things we can take immediate action on to improve ourselves. Getting to work on time, making peace with family members, and utilizing everything you already have on hand are some suggestions. Making a conscious decision to work on these things can help relieve your feelings of guilt, doubt, and shame. It will take time to make these decisions habitual and to see the fruits of your labor, but it will be worth it. You cannot fix the world, but you can fix yourself, and by doing that, you can contribute something positive to the world.

It is overwhelming to look at all of the problems in the world and your life and think you need to fix everything. It is also easy to place blame on other people, situations, etc., and push down your own feelings of guilt.

When we look to ourselves and our own choices and seek ways to change ourselves for the better, the challenges become something we can handle. They may not be easy, and we will always face them along the way, but when we set out to fix our own problems, we make a positive impact on our world.

Written content for this topic by Andi Dolinsky-Webb.
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Key Points:

  • Shifting your perspective and making changes to things you can control can help better your life and the lives of those around you.
  • When it comes to problems, we can either blame our circumstances our change ourselves.
  • Most of us have the power to make our lives better by changing things about ourselves we know are bad.
  • You cannot fix the world, but you can fix yourself.
  • When we look to ourselves and our own choices and seek ways to change ourselves for the better, the challenges become something we can handle.

Quote This:

The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will. -Vince Lombardi

Talk About It
  1. What is your initial reaction to this topic? What jumped out at you?
  2. How do you think growth and maturity tie into improving our lives?
  3. Why do we often default to blaming others for difficult things that happen?
  4. When you feel like a situation is out of your control, what are some ways to help you remember what is actually in your control?
  5. Think of a situation where you pushed aside your own feelings of doubt, guilt, or shame in order to put the blame somewhere else. When did you realize where the blame really fell? How did you make a change?
  6. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.