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You’ve probably lost a few friends to combat or training accidents. It seems like a useless waste of life, so how do you deal with it?

If you are reading this, chances are you are currently serving in the armed forces, or are about to join the military. War involves the loss of life, and it is not always the lives of the enemy you’re fighting, but oftentimes the friends you’ve made in your unit. So how do you cope with the death of a comrade in arms?

[Related: Surviving Combat in the Military]

Celebrate Their Service Instead of Cursing the Circumstance

Servicemen and women make a choice to put their lives on the line for a cause they believe in. Honor and celebrate their service. Cursing the circumstances of their death is not helpful or productive, and can put you in a state of mind that could endanger your life and those around you. Instead, focus on the wonderful characteristics of your fallen friend, and pay tribute to their bravery.

Acknowledge the Loss and Be Ready to Grieve

In traumatic situations, our minds can shut down and go into denial. We may feel it is a sign of weakness to mourn and be sad. Allow yourself to feel the loss. Move through the grieving process and know that there is peace on the other side. Acknowledging the death of your comrade and taking the time to grieve allows you to move forward with your mission.

Be the Person Who Picks Everyone Up

After taking the time to acknowledge your loss and grieve, it is important to turn your focus outward and look to how you can help your unit through this trial as well as be a supportive influence for your fallen friend’s loved ones. There is still a job to be done. Help those around you refocus and get back on track. Choose to be a force for good who lifts and helps others through difficulty.

[Related: Myths about PTSD]

Learn from the Mistake

Most accidents are caused by a faulty battle plan or human error. Examine what went wrong and make the necessary changes so that doesn’t happen again. It may feel like you are disrespecting your fallen comrade by picking everything apart. The truth is that they would want you to learn from the experience to try to ensure it doesn’t happen again. If something can be learned that saves another life, then their death was not in vain. Part of honoring their life is figuring out what could have saved it.

Article for this topic by Jamie Casperson.
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Key Points:

  • Celebrate their service instead of cursing the circumstance. Focus on the way they impacted the world for good.
  • Acknowledge the loss and be ready to grieve. It’s okay to feel sadness over this loss.
  • Be the person that picks everyone up. Help those around you heal and move on, including the family of the deceased.
  • Learn from the mistake. Figure out what went wrong and what to do differently in the future.

Quote This:

…It is a proud privilege to be a soldier – a good soldier … [with] discipline, self-respect, pride in his unit and his country, a high sense of duty and obligation to comrades and to his superiors, and a self-confidence born of demonstrated ability. – George S. Patton, Jr.

See Also: Grief, Military

Talk About It
  1. What is your initial reaction to this topic? What jumped out at you?
  2. Have you ever lost someone close to you? How did you work through the grieving process?
  3. What are some ways you can celebrate the life of a fallen service member? How do you feel that would honor their sacrifice for their country?
  4. Why do you think some people go into a form of denial when someone from their unit dies? How would that be a detriment to the unit?
  5. How might you help the family of the deceased when you are most likely in another country? What would you want your fellow soldiers to do for your family if you were to lose your life?
  6. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.