The Phases in the Cycle of Abuse
You may not realize you’re in an abusive relationship until it’s too late. Learn how to spot the tell tale phases of a toxic relationship.
Talking Points:
- The Honeymoon phase is when all seems great in the relationship. This is when you feel connected and fulfilled.
- The Tension Building phase is when you feel like you’re “walking on eggshells”. You know your partner is upset and you’re trying to keep the peace so an explosion doesn’t occur.
- The Explosion phase is the main event. This is when your abuser lashes out in anger. They may be physically or verbally abusive. This phase is terrifying and de-stabilizing.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- What are some stereotypes of “abusers” and “victims” that you notice in the media or in your community? What are some things you can do to change how you think about those stereotypes?
- How would you describe what the Honeymoon phase looks like in a typical relationship?
- How often, if ever, do you feel like you’re walking on egg shells in your relationship? Describe what you observe from your partner to make you feel that way.
- What are some different ways people can assert power over another person that might not be clear at first? Have you experienced any of those? Explain.
- Have you experienced the Explosion phase in your relationship? What did you do after it happened? What might you still need to do?
- Why is it important to talk to people who specialize in abuse? What do you need to do to find helpful resources in your area for yourself or for a friend?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
The Power and Control Wheel for Abuse
Some people think that domestic violence is just the moment of abuse. But there’s a lot more going on underneath the surface.
Talking Points:
- An abuser’s core need is for power and control (center of the wheel).
- The wheel of abuse lists 8 typical tactics of an abuser (inside of the wheel).
- Actual physical or sexual abuse are often the last step for the abuser (outside of the wheel).
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1−800−799−7233
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Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Why do you think someone wants power and control of another person? What does that say about a person’s character that they would hurt another to make themselves feel important?
- What experience do you have with feeling controlled by someone? How have you responded to that control?
- Of the 8 tactics, which one is most familiar to you or to someone you know? Were you aware that those tactics were a form of abuse?
- If you are now realizing that you may be in an abusive relationship, what steps do you need to take?
- Do you know anyone who is a survivor of abuse? What have they done to overcome their situation?
- If you suspect that someone you know is being abused what can you do to help the situation and not cause the abuser to escalate?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
