Even though conflict is a two-way street, there’s a lot you can do internally to prepare yourself for a healthy, productive fight.
Talking Points:
- Self-deception (in conflict) happens when you try to minimize your own faults and inflate someone else’s. We‘re always going to be more generous with ourselves when evaluating motives and actions.
- You’re “in the box” when you’re stuck in your own perspective, deceived by your justifications, and unable to see the other person’s perspective. Instead of listening to them, you’ve already made up your mind they they’re the ones with the problem.
- Three ways to get out of the box:
- See the other person as a person – with needs, thoughts, and emotions.
- Try to articulate their perspective. Start with, “What I hear you saying is…”
- Work to find a solution together. Think of it as shoulder-to-shoulder rather than toe-to-toe.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic?
- Think about the last conflict you had with someone. How did they inflate your faults? How did you inflate theirs?
- Give an example of a time you tried to justify your own perspective or prejudice in a conflict.
- With whom do you get “in the box” regularly? What do you notice that triggers you about that person?
- Review the three ways to get “out of the box”. Which one seems hardest for you? Explain.
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
