Talking Points:

• Growing up, William felt like he was “in a box” because of a speech impediment. He felt like an observer of life, not a participant in life. He wanted to make a change. He didn’t want to be separate from life.
• It took time for William to realize that feeling separate was his responsibility. He had agreed to be “in the box,” cordoned off from others. He had to choose to get out of the box.
• When William sees people who don’t seem to feel that they belong, he feels a burden to show them that they do belong. He says hello to everyone getting on the train. He shakes hands and give fist-bumps and hugs to people he’s built relationships with. He doesn’t want to be a “troll” hiding away from people in the booth.

Talking Points:

• When someone is lying they will reference themselves less, avoiding the use of personal pronouns. The liar will avoid taking any ownership of a situation, speaking of it in terms of outside involvement. A person bending the truth will make an effort to disassociate themselves from the situation, focusing solely on the actions of another person.
• As a fibber crafts a lie, they will often create a very simple story, since it’s difficult to add complexity to a fiction. Building a false narrative is cognitively difficult and requires a large amount of situational analysis and forethought.
• While it is important to be able to spot lying, it’s also important to apply these analyses to ourselves. Building a personality of integrity requires a great deal of reflection. Habitual liars are people that need to be watched out for, especially in close relationships. As you learn to spot lies remember that everyone falls prey to this character flaw and needs some grace to overcome it. “Be as wise as a serpent and as innocent as a dove.”

Talking Points:

• When you are around this person take inventory of how you feel. Do they put you down all the time? Do they get jealous when you spend time with other people in your life? Are they constantly trying to change you?
• If you have a “friend” who is making you feel bad, you need to figure out what you are doing to allow them to make you feel that way. Are you being a doormat and putting their needs above your own? If you do that, you are opening a door for them to take advantage of you.
• If you have boundaries in place and they are aware of them but still try to push you, then it may be time to cut them out of your life. Your boundaries are in place to keep you safe and comfortable, not to please them.
• People with low self-esteem are much more likely to find themselves in toxic relationships. This is because they allow people to take advantage of them. If you love yourself, other people will see the love you deserve and will treat you with dignity, respect, and care.

Talking Points:

• Healthy relationships are sacrificial where both people care about each other more than themselves. 
• Healthy relationships are not controlling. Both have a freedom to pursue individual hobbies without the other feeling threatened.
• Healthy relationships are reciprocal. Both parties are committed to working to make the relationship work.

Talking Points:

• Good listeners encourage us to elaborate, saying those two magic words: “Go on.” They keep our histories in mind and seem to be building up a deeper base of engagement.
• Good friends help us get past the “what” to the “why.” They help us get to the deeper attitudes that are lurking in the background.
• They know their own minds well enough to sympathize with us, even with our follies. They’re not going to shred our dignity, so we can be free and vulnerable.

Talking Points:

• You can choose to live underneath the power of the offense, or above the impact. This means you can either let thoughts of the offense rule your emotions, or you can move past the bitterness for a better life.
• Bitterness is toxic. It will infect your emotions and will make you say and do things that will hurt others. Bitterness is just like an accelerant for the ember we already have inside of us.
• Just because you forgive the offender doesn’t mean they are off the hook for what they have done. They will begin to feel guilt and a sense of violation against you.

Talking Points:

• There are four main roadblocks to a true apology.
  • “Innocence.” You don’t feel like you did anything wrong. It’s hard to apologize when you don’t feel like you were in the wrong.
  • “Blame-shifting.” You feel like the other person was totally at fault. It’s human nature to place blame somewhere else and to give yourself the benefit of the doubt.
  • “Weakness.” You feel like apologizing makes you weak. The truth is, being able to apologize means you have the strength to say you aren’t perfect and you can improve.
  • “Failure.” What is the point of apologizing if you will make the same mistake again? It is true that words can be cheap but that shouldn’t be an excuse not to try.

This topic is adapted from the book When Sorry Isn’t Enough by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas.

Talking Points:

• The preaching method is the leader speaks the message to everyone at once. This is more of a top-down approach.
• The mentoring model means first-tier leaders mentor and communicate the mission, vision, and values of the team to their circle of influence, teaching them how to do the job and to mentor their subsequent circle of influence.
• The mentoring method can spread your values quickly in your organization by equipping your leaders throughout your organization with the system, the system tools, the training, and the message you want to be sure is spreading.