Author John Gottman encourages couples to have a "State of the Union" talk that helps them address potential conflicts in the marriage. Here's how it works...
Talking Points:
- Block off an hour in your week to talk about just one area of conflict in your marriage.
- Start with five compliments to set the right tone for the conversation. Each spouse should take a turn.
- Now address the area of conflict. Decide who will start as the speaker and who will start as the listener. Then switch roles.
- During the conversation, remember to ATTUNE:
- Be (A)ware
- Be (T)olerant
- (T)urn toward each other
- Commit to (U)nderstand through…
- (N)on-defensive listening and
- (E)mpathy
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Describe your last argument as a couple. What are some of your bad habits when you argue with your spouse?
- When do your arguments tend to occur? How could setting aside a specific time slot help you to focus and resolve your conflicts?
- How often do you compliment your spouse? How could starting with compliments help your conflicts to stay productive?
- Why would it be necessary to choose one topic for you to discuss each week? What is likely to happen if you don’t focus on any one issue?
- Review the ATTUNE acronym. Why is it important to be tolerant of your spouse’s point of view? What do you think non-defensive listening looks like?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
