Blending families takes some extra special care to do it well. Learn some tips to get your family on the right track.
Talking Points:
- There are some underlying issues to be aware of in blended families. Loyalty is a big one. Trust needs to be earned between adults and kids and this will take time. Another issue to be aware of is the “insider-outsider” dynamic.
- As a couple, you need to decide on the blueprint for your family. You need to agree on things like; family rules, how discipline will work and values to emphasize. You also don’t want to force the step parent into a disciplinarian role too quickly.
- It’s a healthier viewpoint to see your family working more like a crockpot rather than a blender. It will take time to develop relationships and to work out the kinks.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Describe your blended family. What has gone smoothly? What has been challenging thus far?
- How have you seen issues of loyalty interfere with the blending of your families? How have you addressed those issues?
- Who would you say are the “insiders” in your family? Explain. Who are the “outsiders”? Explain. Why is this dynamic unhealthy for a successful blending of families?
- What do you need your spouse to do more of or less of to mitigate the issues of loyalty and insiders and outsiders?
- Why is it a bad idea to make the step parent a disciplinarian too soon with the kids? How has that proven to be true in your family?
- Describe each of your parenting styles and how they have worked well together and ways they haven’t. How do you deal with your differences?
- Why is it better to think of your blended family as a crockpot? In what ways have you tried to force things together and what was the result?
- What are your frustrations with the ex? How have you dealt with those frustrations? How can you do better in this area?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
